So I am back in the role of a Premed student at Portland State. It finally feels like things are back on track with my life and priorities after a while of soul searching. I must say that I did underestimate the amount of work required. Since I have my Master’s already, I figured I had everything down, and that I have been through worse. I was dead wrong. After the first series of midterms in: Organic Chemistry, Physics, and Biology, I had an enormous wake up call. This was not a walk in the park. Which makes sense. I am trying to become a doctor. Doctors are the Crème de la Crème of life. One thing that kept popping into my head over the past couple of days after getting those horrible grades was how I might not be cut out for this type of work. More importantly, I am the only Black person in all of my classes. I’m not only a Black person, but a Smart Black person. I played football, got my Master’s in three disciplines, and wrote a book all in the same year. If I feel this way, then any Black person that has done less than me I would imagine would feel the same way if not worse. The overarching theme of my thoughts was that it makes sense why there are few black people pursuing this line of work. It’s hard. Especially when you are doing it by yourself. No study buddies or friends in the classes you have because everybody is apprehensive to talk to you. When my physics teacher says to the class, “Work with your neighbor to come up with the answer to this question…” people look away from me. I just feel that I don’t belong. That leads to me questioning why I am doing this. If I fail, then I am letting my people down. After all that I have accomplished, if I can’t make it through this, then who can? There is a reason why there are few Black men becoming doctors because this feeling is an easy way to deter people from seeing their dream to the end. On the flipside though, I want to change the way people see Black people and specifically Black men. That is my goal in life. Yes, I make mistakes, but I have been through worse. I made it through them putting myself in a better situation than I was before. Being the only Black person just means that my success will mean a lot more. All I have to do is see it through!!!
Create and Conquer